


Truth.

by codycola



Category: Cosmere - Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: M/M, i will die on this hill, kaladin and moash are exes, kaladin depression, no beta we die like men, teft emotional support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codycola/pseuds/codycola
Summary: Kaladin tries to figure out what to tell bridge four about Moash without mentioning that they dated.
Relationships: Kaladin/Moash (Stormlight Archive)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Truth.

He still couldn’t believe it.

The man he had trusted.

The only one who saw him as human.

Had really tried to kill the King. Had tried to kill _him_! Kaladin sat in the dark, clueless on how to tell anyone else. It’s not like they knew.

Not like they knew what they had been.

Kaladin was sure it had been kept a secret. Surely no one else noticed, right? Moash hadn’t wanted to bother with the attention, Kaladin was just... afraid. He had held too tight to him, fearing letting anyone find out would get him taken away... somehow. He knew it was irrational, but so was hiding his powers.

It didn’t matter now anyways. Everyone knew what he was, but they didn’t have to know his past. They didn’t know the rest of it, why should they hear that part?

The important part was the betrayal. The fact that Kaladin let his love blind him so far as to lose his powers.

He swore no one would take them away from him, and he took them away from himself. Storming _loyalty_ always getting in the way. He wouldn’t blame himself for Moash’s betrayal. He had decided that wouldn’t happen, no matter how tempting falling into guilt was.

This, at least, was Moash’s fault. He could blame himself for losing him, he could blame himself for not stopping it sooner, but the betrayal wasn’t his fault. He had tried to make him stay, and it had torn him apart. Too fucking bad. He wouldn’t let the despair get to him. This _wasn’t_ his fault, storm it!

“You’re mumbling to yourself again,” Syl said, floating down in human form. “You do realize that, by thinking this much about him, you’re only proving how much he meant to you?”

“I know... I don’t want... to admit,” Kaladin breathed in deeply. “I don’t want to admit that I almost regret defending the king, if letting him die would have let me keep him.”

“But you _had_ to! For honor! For Dalinar!”

“Yes, and I know! I know it was right to protect Elokhar and I know it would have killed both of us to not do it but at least I wouldn’t have this damned hole in my heart and no one to turn to! I know he would have stayed with me and I wish I hadn’t ruined it, even though it would be wrong. I wish I could have kept both oaths and I know you do too.” He flopped onto the bed, unsure how to feel.

Syl stood on his chest, frowning down at him. “I know it was a hard decision to break an oath to save him, but could you really still love a man willing to kill Elokhar over something not truly his fault? Do you really think you could have saved him?”

“I... guess I don’t. I know I couldn’t have trusted him after that, and I know we couldn’t have gone back to normal. It doesn’t help the pain, though. He helped me. Without him there’s... nothing to fight the wretch.”

“You have your men,” she said, rising into the air.

“And they still don’t know.” He paused. “I guess it’s time to confront that,” he said, sitting up on the firm bed.

“What are you going to say to them?”

“That Moash was a traitor. Willing to destroy the kingdom over another petty man’s crimes. They don’t need to know the rest.” He got up and opened the door, light streaming in. He hadn’t realized the sun had risen.

————

“Are you sure you’re okay? About Moash,“ a voice said from behind him. Teft.

“What?” Kaladin asked, turning around.

“We know you cared for him.”

“We’ve lost plenty of members before, I’ll be fine.” He went back to polishing his armor.

Teft grabbed him by the shoulder. “I know he was more than that to you. We all do.”

“You’re sure?”

“You’re not that good at keeping secrets, lad,” Teft said. Kaladin blushed.

“I thought I had _that one_ under control...”

“Really? You two looked like you wanted to eat each other! Constantly!”

“Oh. I... Huh.” He closed his eyes, trying not to think about them seeing... _that_. At least they never said anything. “Well, you’re right. It is different for him. It hurts more. But it shouldn’t. He betrayed the kingdom, and he betrayed Bridge Four. It shouldn’t matter what we... were.”

“You have to let yourself feel the pain, son. Ignoring it - or your part in causing it - won’t help anyone. I learned that the hard way.”

“Could you do me a favor, Teft? Don’t let me become him. The wretch. Don’t let me stop talking.

Teft looked at him, seeming to understand. “I’ll try.”

**Author's Note:**

> i turned autocapz on for dis so y’all better APPRECIATE


End file.
